| A Life Lost |
[May. 11th, 2007|04:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Suffocate - Sevendust | ] |
falling from the world, if only he could feel the air maybe he wouldn't suffocate
as he slips his head into the last chain he'll ever wear all he can think of is fading into a dream that never ends.
he takes a deep breath and slows his heart down. to take the final step into a death hes never seen but always known.
footsteps draw his attention, the door opens and a flash of light fills the room he fumbles to free himself from the noose of his own creation.
his feet are moist from the sweat of anticipation, he slips and with his last moment sees his pregnant lover. then with a sharp jolt...
a young life is lost and another child shall enter this world never knowing its father.
~Ox~ |
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| LEAVING HOME! |
[Apr. 4th, 2007|05:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Parents House | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Soil - Redefine | ] |
Yes the rumors are true (were there rumors?)
Ox is leaving home, finally getting out on my own. far too many ex girlfriends know were i live and well that scares me a little so its time to start anew.
moving a bit further south to calwell found an awesome place, 7 bedrooms (2 are for my use)
2 kitchens 3 bathrooms.
FUCK YEAH
so if anyone wants to come see my new abode give a buzz and after ive settled (moving in friday night)ill take you on a grand tour.
only downside is i wont have net for 1-2 weeks (ordered wireless net gonna take time for them to install it) but my work email is still good and ill be checking my email and shiz on the weekends (or when ever i go to the net cafe)
so anyway i'm going to go and measure all my furniture to find out what room its going in.
<3 you all.
Ox |
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| Week 4 |
[Mar. 26th, 2007|11:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Breaking Benjamin - The Diary of Jane | ] |
well this week was a pretty lazy week so not a huge change. but for my final post on the Absperiment is a VAST improvement.
so there we have it, with a little motivation my abs no longer suck.
sure im no 8 pack of pure muscle but hey give me time its only been a month!
you probably wont be seeing my abs again for a while (well one or two of you might) but come summer time when i get to bust out to the beach ill be looking alot better than i would have if i was still sitting at home not doing anything like i was the past 6-8 months prior to this.
anyways i gots to get to bed for work tomorrow.
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| Week 3 |
[Mar. 21st, 2007|12:10 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | pleased | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Soil - Pride | ] |
Well this week i had a few rest days and the pics abit late. had a wound that needed to heal. but anyway went fairly hard the days i did work on it and ill admit the results are better than i was expecting.
did more on the chest area as well. a HUGE improvment on the before photo DAMN!
anyways its past midnight and i need sleep. ENJOY!
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| Week 2 |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|12:36 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sevendust - Honesty | ] |
Well the second week is over. i slacked off towards the end of the week so ill need to go harder this week maybe do an extra day.
but anyways life in general is going excelent right now. im eating better, im looking better and im feeling better.
works great, love lifes great, home lifes great too. so all i need as more money and im set.
anyway its almost 1am and i got work at 6:30 so heres the latest result.
so ttyl until next week.
HALF WAY THERE!
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| Absperiment Week 1 results. |
[Mar. 3rd, 2007|11:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | impressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nickelback - If Everyone Cared | ] |
Well heres the results for week 1 of my exercise plan, well sort of plan.
but first. lifes looking up again. just went out for dinner with Ian, Cupcake and Tilda at sutho's the golden grill there. was pretty good too. well at least i thought so. had a big fat steak. but yeah. saw a few old friends today, watched movies at tildas on the big TV. tomorrow is work on car day. gonna clean my intake manifold and re-tune my subs. as well as wash/vacum it.
anyway heres the photo of week 1 completed.
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| Before and After |
[Feb. 27th, 2007|05:20 pm] |
well since my afternoons are mainly free time now ive decided its time for a fitness frenzy!
so 4 nights a week minimum im working out. see how much change i see in 4 weeks
so after 8 months of almost no exercise and bad diet heres the before photo. stay tuned in 4 weeks ill post the aftermath of my loonisy.
Before:
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| Locked in Clutch |
[Feb. 25th, 2007|11:03 pm] |
ive been locked in clutch the last few weeks.
no its not car trouble (although i did have to put in bypass line to fix a coolant leak) anyway my life is locked in clutch, lotsa things changing all it seems for the better. cant devulge any details at the moment but shits getting sorted and its starting to mesh together. never skimp on syncromesh it'll cost you in the end. (thats a car thing)
anyways today was pretty good. went to tildas and fixed her Boot.ini file and cleaned up her pc a bit. spent the rest of the day watching her cook stuff.
then had a beer with an old but very good friend.
and back to work tomorrow. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 25th, 2007|10:17 am] |
Don't believe in love, don't believe in hate
Don't believe in destiny or in fate
Don't believe in the future, don't believe in the past
'Cause I know that nothing lasts
I can't take that mask away
It changes every day
And everything you want from me I will take
I feel the way you need in struggling to breathe
As simple as it seems, it's just what you need
Don't believe in the drugs, I don't believe in this place
Don't believe that it's ending, don't believe your face
Don't believe that it's easy, don't pretend that it's hard
Don't believe that you loved me, don't believe who you are
Don't believe in you, don't believe in me
Don't believe in loved, don't believe in fuck |
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| How to get Fucked over 101 |
[Feb. 19th, 2007|05:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Metallica - Until it Sleeps. | ] |
Well people here it is word for word straight from JJ herself
"I've decided thats its better us to be apart, I know that i'll be lossing you forever but i'm prepared to take the risks.
I want to be with sarah."
So there we have it. 5 months in the toilet and not alot left of it.
i found out that what was said to my face and what was said to her friends were completly different and well. looks like ive been lied to the whole time.
I wasnt allowed to Hug any of my female friends, or talk to them on MSN. but at school she of coarse didnt defend me when they complained. i wasnt allowed to go out for more than a few hours on my 21st and even that i got in trouble for.
I COULDNT GO OUT TO A CLUB ON MY 21ST WITHOUT GETTING IN TROUBLE. you only get one of those and now its covered with the stench of how i was lied to, how i was betrayed and how its all been thrown back in my face.
and now im stuck to pick up whats left while her and sarah get to run off and play happily ever after. and i know this is cruel. but i hope it all turns to shit, i hope she realises what she left. and that after today unless somthing really drastic happens that its gone. i gave her a third chance after i said i wouldnt. but i did i put faith were it wasnt due, and well now i guess im reaping what ive sown. you put fertile seeds into salted earth and the damage seems inevitable.
but somthings just have to be lost the hard way. and i hope she gets this in return,
i hope she pays for this in spades. to know what its like to have somthing so invested in ripped away on a whim.
oh and last night at midnight she calls me over and kisses me, tells me she loves and tells me she needs time to think it all through. and has the ordasity to ask me if after she fucks up with sarah if we can go back out. how do you think that feels?
and well looks like she needed time allright, less than 16 hours later and 1 day at school its decided. that must have been some real heavy thinking.
so JJ if you ever regain the sanity i once knew. or if you ever really become the person you lied to make me believe you were, and fall in love with. then maybe. maybe ,you can make this right.
if anyone wants anymore info or to contact me. ill be by a lake somewere thinking about how much of an idiot i am. |
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| Premeditated crimes of the heart. |
[Feb. 16th, 2007|11:24 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Work | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Breaking Benjamin - Evil Angel | ] |
well the fogs begining to clear and it seems i was kept way more in the dark than i thought and that this had been a long time coming. i only noticed a few signs in the past week or 2 but thought nothing of it, as id ask
"are you ok?" and get the reply "Yeah im just tired and hot"
and i thought that was a good enough reason so id turn on the air con and let her rest. but it never seemed to help. now i guess i see why. its like they say hindsight in always 20/20
i was blinded by the fact that i love her. and i trusted her alot and i never thought that she would use that
against me. again i guess i was wrong. but despite all this right now id still take her back. id give her that one last chance.
fools rush in where angels fear to tread. i rushed in built a house and put up a fence. and well being evicted sucks.
And it seems that for now shes not taking my phone calls. not replying to emails and has no credit to sms, and i still some of her stuff and i dont want it in my house.
so JJ if you read this id like to give you your stuff back. it hurts having it there in my room, the one place i should be able to go and not have to deal with life. |
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| Its All Over. |
[Feb. 14th, 2007|06:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the sinking of my own heart | ] |
well its all over. JJ just broke up with me. looks like for good this time.
didnt matter what i said what i did, shes had enough.
i fell like a charater in a play, ive had my love taken away from me. but in this play, theres no evil which, no dragon to slay no curse to break. apparently i cant even blame myself. theres nothing left to say.
i did everything i could for her.
i made her happy, i kept her safe, i treated her like a lady and always respected her wishes. i dont know what else to do.
i dont have anything else to give and if i do id give it up to have her back.
i keep waiting for the phone to ring and to be asked back becuase after today, i cant garentee a tomorrow. i keep wanting this to just be a phase an emotional glitch.
but if this is it. ive lost it.
ive lost it all.
i dont know what to do, i dont know what to say so if anyones got any thoughts id love to hear them.
i keep thinking that JJ doesnt realise what shes giving up. that it will all click in and we can put this behind us.
but as things stand now im single again definetly not by choice. im unwanted by JJ and im lost in my own thoughts.
so to everyone else Happy valentines day. now to call the resturaunt and cancell the reservations.
i suppose i better cancel what i had planned for our 5th month aniversary too. i hope its returnable.
If anyone needs me im sitting at home.
Ox. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 25th, 2007|04:29 pm] |
STOLEN OFF MADDY HA TAKE THAT!
TEN FAVORITES
01. TV show – American Dad
02. flower – Bush Rose.
03. colour – Blue
04. sport – Anything contact
05. mall – all the same to me
06. music – If its got bass its good.
07. food – sure.
08. season – SUMMER!
09. day - Saturday
10. city - Canberra :P
TEN FACTS
01. hometown – Canberra
02. hair color - depends on the week, red now, was blonde, natural brown, soon black
03. hair length – short
04. hair style – Sort of spiked, but not
05. eye color - Blue/Grey
06. shoe size – 13/14
07. mood - Lonley and wanting
08. smell – diesel
09. available – Negitive
10. lefty/righty - LEFTY!
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
01. have you ever been in love - Yes
02. do you believe in love – of coarse
03. why did your last relationship fail – Parents, if it wasnt for the parents id prob still be with her.
04. have you ever been heartbroken – Yes
05. have you ever broken someone's heart - Yes
06. have you ever fallen for your best friend – Nope.
07. have you ever loved someone but never told them - yes
08. are you afraid of commitment – Nope, i love the idea of commiting to another person.
09. have you ever had a secret admirer – Dont think so
10. do you believe in love at first sight – Has to be a spark to start a fire. might not be love at first sight but its a connection
TEN THINGS: THIS OR THAT
01. love or money - love
02. hard liquor or beer – Beer
03. vacation in Hawaii or Paris - Hawaii
04. one night stands or relationships - Relationship
05. television or internet - Interweb
06. pepsi or coke - Coke
07. wild night out or romantic night in – Romantic night in
08. colored or black and white pictures - both
09. phone or in person – in person
10. msn or myspace – msn
TEN "HAVE YOU EVERS"
01. have you ever been caught sneaking out - No, ive never "snuk out"
02. have you ever skinny dipped – Yeah
03. have you ever done something you regret – yes
04. have you ever bungee jumped – Yes
05. have you ever been on a house boat - YEs
06. have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker - YES I HAVE!
07. have you ever wanted someone so badly it hurt - yep
08. have you ever been streaking - once
09. have you ever ran away - yes
10. have you ever caught your parents doing it- no
TEN RANDOMS
01. are you missing someone right now - More than you could imagine. i miss my JJ
02. are you happy - Yes
03. are you talking to anyone right now - Sure am
04. are you bored - kinda
05. are you german - no
06. are you irish – no
07. are you french - no
08. are you italian - no - LOOK IM FUCKING SCOTTISH OK!
09. are your parents still married - yep
10. do you like someone right now - Sure do |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 24th, 2007|01:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Metallica - Nothing Else Matters | ] |
Hey all, been a while since ive posted. just havent been motivated to do anything while JJ has been gone. she comes back soon so im getting my car ready.
Changed my air filter
Changing my Timing belt
Servicing Tomorrow.
then should be good to go.
JJ should be back in harden soon so at least i can contact her again. i knew it would suck with her being gone but i didnt think it would be this hard.
trying to sleep is pointless i have to completly exhaust myself and pass out. so work has been owning me from crap sleep.
so today i got the day off CAUSE MY SISTER HAD ANOTHER BABY BOY! woot more uncleness.
seeing her very soon too. nephews RULE!
so going to be looking after my other nephew for a few days while she settles down with the new born.
so yeah other than JJ being gone and me feeling lonely as hell from that im ok.
cya later peoples.
Ox. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2007|07:24 pm] |
 | | The Gentleman
Deliberate Gentle Love Master (DGLMm)
Steady & mature. You are The Gentleman.
For anyone looking for an even-keeled, considerate lover, you're their man. You're sophisticated. You know what you want both in a relationship and outside of it. You have a substantial romantic side, and you're experienced enough sexually to handle yourself in that arena, too. Your future relationships will be long-lasting; you're classic "marrying material," a prize in the eyes of many.
It's possible that behind it all, you're a bit of a male slut. Your best friends know that in relationships you're fundamentally sex-driven. You're a safe, reliable guy, who does get laid. In a lot of ways, you're like a well-worn, comfortable pair of socks. Did you ever jack off into one of those? All the time.
Your exact opposite:
The Last Man on Earth
Random Brutal Sex Dreamer
| Your ideal mate is NOT a nut-job. She is giving and loving, like you, but also experienced. Avoid the The Battleaxe at all fucking costs.
CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, someone just like you. |
Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 13th, 2006|10:03 pm] |
Far too lazy to think up my own stuff, so stealing this thing off JJ
1.Who Was The Last Person Who Made You Smile Last Night?
JJ
2. What were you doing at 8 this morning?
In my bed at Trittys
3. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Playing WoW
4. What is something that happened to you in 1996?
my 10th birthday
5. What is the last thing you said aloud?
HOW THE FUCK CAN MAGES ICEBLOCK WHEN SILENCED THIS IS FUCKED!
6. How many different things did you drink today?
Water, Coke, Juice.
7. what colour is your toothbrush?
Blue, the one JJ got for me :)
8. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
Thats Classified, sorry
9. What was the last gift you recieved for your birthday?
Nothing.
10. What color is your front door?
its a light coloured wood
11. Where do you keep your change?
in a wooden bowl besides my bed
12. What is the weather like today?
Cold.
13. What is the best ice-cream flavor?
Boisenberry ripple!
14. What is something you are excited about?
Turning 21
15. When was the last rainbow you saw?
3weeks ago
16. What shoe size do you wear?
13-14
17. Do you have a sister?
yeah, shes pregnant
18. Are you very random?
WHO TOLD YOU!
19. Do you want to cut your hair?
i want emo hair, that cuts itself
20. Are you over the age of 25?
in dog years sure
21. Do you talk alot?
yeah, its my job. sometimes i like to just listen.
22. Do you watch The OC?
is that like OJ but without the pulp?
23. Does your screen name have an 'x' in it?
sure does, Ox
24. Do you know anyone called Steve?
yeah, our plasterer
25. Do you make up your own words?
i dont remember were "Munted" came from but i say that alot
26. Are you ticklish?
yes, but only 1 person is allowed to tickle me.
27. Are you typically a jealous person?
oh hell yes.
28. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter 'B':
Brian
29. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter 'S':
stuart
30. Who's the 4th person on your missed calls list?
Janevieve
31. What did the last text message you recieved say?
"its JJ can you pick me up from skool, no money
4 bus, using friends phone bye"
*what happened to numver 32.??*
*makes one up*(fr: ben)
32. what was the last tv show you watched?
The Unit
33. Do you have curly, frizzy hair?
Curly
34. What is the next concert you're going to?
no idea
35. Who is the coolest person in your life?
that would be Me.
37. What is the last thing you ate?
Steak
38. Have you seen the movie 'Drop Dead Fred'?
Yes
39. Do you have work tomorrow/ school?
7am work
40. Is marriage in your future?
i hope so
41. When was the last time you said 'I love you'?
4:32pm, to JJ
42. What should you be doing right now?
sleeping!
*where is question 43??*
*makes ANOTHER one up*
43. What time is it?
9:36pm
44. Do you believe in love at first sight?
yes and no, there has to be a spark to start a fire right?
45. Are you a heavy sleeper?
yeah
46. When comes as the last time you used a skateboard?
never
47. What is the best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
i dont know
48. What kind of mobile phone do you have?
motorola, 1050
49. What are you listening to right now?
slipknot: Vermillion pt2
50. Are you currently depressed?
no, just tired.
this post has taken 2 hours. its now 11:04, im going to bed. post later |
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| 3 thingos |
[Dec. 7th, 2006|09:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Trittys | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Ox
2. Michael
3. Fiji
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Ox
2. Malice
3. Default
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Self Dependant
2. Dependable
3. Logical Minded
THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My Torso
2. My tendancy to get REALLY jelous
3. Thinking people dont appreciate what i do
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Scottish
2. australian
3. English
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU (or mostly creep you out):
1. Loosing the one i Love
2. Subnet Matricies
3. People damaging my stuff on purpose
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Mobile
2. Money
3. Keys, Wallet, rings, Chain, Pendant and dogtag
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. jeans
2. JAG Singlet
3. Steel capped boots
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists at the moment):
1. A perfect circle
2. Metallica
3. Stabbing Westward
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Stabbing Westward: Save yourself
2. Metallica: King Nothing
3. A Perfect Circle: The Outsider
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Booking a romantic Hotel weekend for myself and my beautiful Girlfriend
2. Buff up a little
3. save up some meony to Buy a house
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Honesty
2. Trust
3. Security & Happiness (i cheated and had 4 :P)
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. Im in love
2. i've never been happier then i am now
3. I can solo Chuck Norris
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. eyes
2. Personality
3. Attitude
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Stop loving my GF
2. Live without my car
3. agree with Greenpeace
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Computers (hardware/software/games all of it)
2. being with my Girlfriend
3. Driving
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Hold my girlfriend for hours as we drift off to sleep
2. PVP on WoW
3. Sleep
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Network Engineer
2. Server Operations
3. Desktop Support
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. USA
2. Singapore
3. Japan
THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
1. Jesus
2. Bob
3. Steve |
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| Emotional Unstability welcomes me with open arms |
[Nov. 30th, 2006|10:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful yet concerned | ] |
| [ | music |
| | my Computer fan whiring | ] |
it almost seems too familiar the situation im in,
trying to work and take my mind off things isnt working, i go to work and think, this will take my mind off her, and then i cant stop thinking of her, and i want to go to my phone and send her a message telling her i love her, then i freak out and think she said she wants some space and telling her i love her isnt giving her space, and harrasing her phone will only make things worse, then the other voice says if you dont tell her you do love her and that everything will be fine and you are hanging around, then how will she know? if i dont tell her will she just think that i dont care, am i inadvertantly sending a bad signal, could i be forcing her into someone else's arms by bottling this all up and putting on a mask to hide it all.
i just dont know anymore, every hour without her sweet embrace is torture. its been 2 days without her and its tearing me up.
i cant eat, i can barly sleep and i cant focus on anything but her, everything reminds me of her. the ironic pendant of a battle axe swinging above my heart.
the ring she gave me.
the marks shes left on me,
all of those with me every second of everyday. getting in my car after work and knowing im not going to see her, looking at my passengers seat and not seeing her smileing face looking back at me, my hand left dangling on my handbreak because theres no one there to hold it.
so this is the one place i can get it all out.
so, i think everyone knows who im talking about.
so to her. i love you more than i knew, it took somthing so drastic to see just what you are to me, i hope you can see it too and that their is somthing there that shows i mean somthing to you to, i need to be reassured sometimes. unless i can hear it again for myself i have doubts whats going on in your world. but know that you are my world.
i love you. |
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| a little better |
[Nov. 29th, 2006|07:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Cautious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nickleback - If everyone cared. | ] |
Well things are looking upward again, i feel like the freaking ASX200 stock exchange, crashing one minute with no hope of recoverery, then a jump back towards normacy and plateu nicly.
so im playing it up, going for a drink with some friends that knew what i needed.
hopeing ive seen the last of these troubles and can get back to were none of this matters anymore.
so as things stand im happier than i was yesterday but sader than the day before, so its an unfamilliar place to me.
as far as details go, some things need to remain private. but thankyou all for your support. its go to know who your friends are when the shit gets thick.
love you all like brothers and sisters.
ill be off for the night. |
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| Well, i feel like a chump |
[Nov. 28th, 2006|05:57 pm] |
well, things just took a turn for the worse, over shot the corner and ripped my balls off too.
yep ladies and gents. JJ has dumped me.
i would tell you more but right now it just hurts to much, so those of you who care and want to talk one on one, my phones always on and emails cheer me up.
love you all.
going to be sad now. |
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